I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize