i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sext me about skeletons
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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