I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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