I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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