I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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