Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
