During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
