Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
