I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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