i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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