Midget sex pt 2 tonight
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
