Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
