Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
