So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
