SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
