So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
