I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
