Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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