____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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