I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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