I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
