i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i have two assholes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
