Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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