You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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