If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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