Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We don't watch enough power rangers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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