Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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