I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
