watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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