wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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