i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize