I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
