im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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