you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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