youre lurking in front of me
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
