Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
FUCK WHALES
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
