I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
