Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
