You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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