Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
