so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
