If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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