Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
