I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Alive.
So much puke
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
