did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's shark week go big or go home
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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