3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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