on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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