if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
