if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
