This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
