At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you had me at cake vodka
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
