I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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