Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize