What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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