i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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