you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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