you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
