if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
